| Location | Midlands |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Undisclosed |
| Date of Birth | 17/06/2002 |
| Date of Death | 17/06/2002 |
| Visitors | 235 since 11/06/2009 |
| Creator |
I was 18 years old when i discovered i was expecting a baby. It was a planned pregnancy, the baby
was so wanted by myself and the babys father.
Being young, and still a student, a pregnancy didnt seem ideal, but i KNEW that i would be a great
mum, and that i would cope, i had always been maternal and desperatly wanted a baby.
Unfortuanly, when i finally grapsed the courage to tell my family, they were everything but pleased.
They threatened to turn their back on me, and emotionally blackmailed me.
I was told that " i wouldnt cope", "it was the baby or them", "hopefully i would have a
miscarriage", etc.
The decision was made for me -i would terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible.
I was so emotionally weak, i was unable to fight back, i told them time and time again that i wanted
the baby more than anything, but they wouldnt hear of it, i was told that i was stupid to even think
i could have a child at that time in my life.
So, at 12 weeks pregnant i asked my G.P for a termination, he knew that i didnt want one, and i will
always remember his words "this pregnancy is sacred", but i told him i had to have it done, or my
family would hate me forever.
By the time i had been through the booking process and seen another doctor and a councellor, i was
14 weeks gone, and told that i would have to wait another month to have the termination as my local
hospital didnt perform them after 12 weeks, i would have to go to a special clinic in another area,
and there was a long waiting list.
It was the most awful time of my life, i was shrouded by a dark cloud, waiting all that time to say
goodbye to my baby who i so depseratly wanted. Hoping and praying that my parents would change their
minds and say that i could have him.
I was getting bigger and even thought that i felt the baby move once.
The night before, i lay in bed, my hand on my belly saying my goodbyes to my baby, and saying that i
was sorry over and over again. In my heart i felt that he was a boy, and i loved him so much. As any
mother knows, the love for a child will never ever die.
On the 17th June, 2002, my beautiful baby Zack was taken from me at 18 weeks. It was truely the most
tragic day of my life.
The days, weeks, months and years to follow were the hardest. The rest of 2002 was spent under a
deep dark cloud of depression. I had a silent grief which i could not tell anyone about. Me and
boyfriend had long split up, and i missed him and our baby desperatly, i cried often and wondered
how things would have been.
I had never felt so alone, i wrote many letters to my baby, and prayed that he was happy where he
was.
After 7 long years of my silent grief bubbling under the surface, recently it has all come to a
head, and i finally realise that i have every right to grieve for my baby.
I have cried, screamed, and cried some more. And now with the support of my wonderful husband (who i
have 2 daughters with) i am now honoring my babys life and all of the joy and happiness he brought
into my life in those wonderful but short 18 weeks.
Recently, i requested to be sent my medical notes associated with the termination, and i discovered
that the baby was indeed a boy, which i always knew. I have ultrasound pictures too, which were so
painful to see, but i will cherish them forever, because they are all i have of my little boy Zack.
I want the world to know that my son existed and his life was not in vain. His soul was set free
before he could experience the hardship of life on earth, and he is souring high above with the
angels amongst the love and peace of the Infinite Light.
Im still on the road to forgiveness with my family, im not sure that i will ever truely forgive them
over the impossible choice that they gave me, but i have grown as a person emotionally and
spiritually, and i understand that this awful time was all part of my life plan.
Zack would have been due in November 2002, which would now make him 6 1/2 years old. I miss him
always, sometimes it hurts so much that it takes me breath away. But i know he is there in spirit,
and he visits me in my dreams, and i am sure he is watching and guiding over his 2 little sisters.
Sometimes i just cant believe even now, after 7 years that i will never get to hold him on my time
on the earth, it feels like i should have 3 children with me not 2.
All i can do is move forward, and look to the future, but without him, its very hard.
I miss you so so much Zack, i love you always, and i know that your daddy does too.
I will send a balloon into the sky on your anniversary on 17th June.
See you soon
Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
'Emotions' Beegees/Destinys Child
It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?
And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight
I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star
And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight
And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight
Happy birthday sweetheart
I hope you got the balloon that i sent you yesterday, it was wonderful watching it go up into the sky, it really felt like it was going straight to you.
"Another year, another tear, but everyday i feel you near", god bless xxx
Happy Birthday In Heaven - by Winnie Lovett
"Happy Birthday Zack"
It's sure to be the best one yet,
Though you left me here behind.
Did you think that I'd forget?
Your cake this year, will surely be,
A beauty to behold.
With the icing made of Silver,
And the candles made of Gold.
Yes, your birthday in Heaven,
Will be such a grand affair.
And I know you'll look so lovely,
With a halo in your hair.
The Angels will come from everywhere,
To sing your birthday song.
And I know they'll be so happy,
That you've joined, God's Happy Throng.
No I can't send a card this year,
Or give a gift so fine.
So I'll just send a special prayer,
To that wonderful Son of mine.
Special Angel Day - by Sam & Gordon Winson
We do not need a special day
To bring you to our minds.
The days we do not think of you
Are very hard to find.
Each morning when we awake
We know that you are gone.
And no one knows the heartache
As we try to carry on.
Our hearts still ache with sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know.
Our thoughts are always with you,
Your place no one can fill.
In life we loved you dearly;
In death we love you still.
There will always be a heartache,
And often a silent tear.
But always a precious memory
Of the days when you were here.
If tears would make a staircase,
And heartaches make a lane,
We'd walk the path to heaven
And bring you home again.
We hold you close within our hearts;
And there you will remain,
To walk with us throughout our lives
Until we meet again.
Our family chain is broken now,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
Its nearly time honey -2 more days and it will be your 7th anniversary, June is so hard for me, lots of painful memories.
I have been going to the spiritualist church hoping that you will come through for me, but i know i have to be patient.
Nothing can explain the white smoke that i saw in the house today, it just vanished... i feel it was you, just like when you stopped and restarted the clock a few months ago, im sure it was you baby.
Love you so so much xxx
GOODNIGHT ANGEL XX
00000000000000000000 0000 000000
000000000000000_0000 00000000000
00000000000000___000 00000000000
0000000000000_____00 00000000000
000000000000_______0 00000000000
00000000000_________ 00000000000
00__________________ _________00
000______*Shining Star*________000
000000 ______Angel______ 00000000
0000000_____________ ____0000000
000000_________0____ _____000000
00000_______0000000_ ______00000
0000_____00000000000 00_____0000
000___00000000000000 00000___000
00__0000000000000000 0000000__00
0_000000000000000000 000000000_0
Look to the sky at night
Not with your eyes
But with your heart
And witness the star
That twinkles so bright
It always stands apart xx
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says of our love for you.
Author Unknown
What an awful time for you honey. Baby Zack will always live on in your heart, and I'm sure he knows and can feel from heaven how much you love him.
Take care,
love Jenni (George Churches' mummy) xx
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